Reflections on Identity

Rev. Molly F. James, PhD

DFMS Noonday Prayer via Zoom

June 17, 2021

Marina the Monk

May God’s Word be spoken. May God’s Word be heard. May that point us to the living Word who is Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. 

 

Today we remember Marina/Marinos the Monk, a 5th Century monastic. Marina was born as Miriam. Her faith was strong and at the age of marriage, she chose a monastic life rather than marriage. She shaved her head, doned male clothes, and joined her father at a monastery. It is unclear whether Marina was simply rejecting marriage, desiring to live as a monastic, but there were no convents, or truly needed to live life out as man because that matched his internal identity. The intrigue of this story could easily make Marina one of these people to add to your list for the parlor game of “If you could have dinner with five people, dead or alive, who would they be and why?” Even if we cannot know or fully understand the circumstances of Marina’s life, I do believe that the story provides us with much food for thought and opportunities for reflection on our own lives. 

I believe that there is a fundamental invitation here for us to think about identity. In what ways or times in our lives have we felt the need to be like Marina? When have we felt the need to hide some essential piece of our identity in order to fit in with a community or group? Of course, there is a certain amount of that we do all the time. We don’t share intimate personal details with a seatmate on an airplane the way we would at our best friend’s kitchen table. Having boundaries and knowing what information we should share and where is an important life skill. Like Marina, we have likely had times when holding back some piece of personal information was what kept us safe. As the saying goes, “Don’t bleed with sharks.” It is okay to be protective of ourselves, and to be discerning about how fully we share about ourselves in the communities of which we are a part. Being able to share the truth of who we are requires trust. So it is okay to be sure that is there before we open up. Especially if we find ourselves in communities like Susanna did in our first reading today - a situation where the deck is stacked against us and no matter what we say or do, we cannot convince those in power and authority of the truth of our experience. 

That’s one side of the invitation - for us to reflect on how we navigate our own identities, particularly in situations where we do not have power. The times in our lives when we are Marina. The other side of it is to think about the times in our lives when we are the monks or Marina’s father. What do we do when we are the ones with power and authority? When we are the ones responsible for creating the culture and environment. The monks assumptions about Marina and their rigid enforcement of how they believed things should be meant that Marina spent 10 years as a beggar at the monastery’s gate because they erroneously assumed Marina had impregnated a woman - only to learn upon Marina’s death that was a biological impossibility. So there is an important question here for us. When have we been like the monks? When have we been like the elders in Susanna’s story? When have we made assumptions about someone’s identity that have cost them dearly? When have we lost out on someone’s wisdom, insight, perspective because we were too quick to judge, too rigid in our assumptions, and too stuck in our own worldview? I would guess that we have many stories - from small moments when we were just moving too quickly to pay full attention, to big moments when deeply embedded ideas have cost us an opportunity or a relationship. Hopefully, today we have a reminder that it does not always have to be that way.

We have the opportunity and possibility - especially when we are in positions of power to shift the culture. We have the opportunity to transform a culture from rigid to open. We have the opportunity to foster community where people feel comfortable to bring as much of their identity as they choose. Where the realities of disclosure are decided by individuals themselves and not by those in power. Where diverse perspectives and experiences are honored, and where we are consistently open to learning and change. 

It is my hope and prayer that together we can find more and more ways to join with God in creating a world where people do not feel the need to hide the truth of their identity. A world where our diversity is recognized as a source of beauty and strength. Amen. 

Learning about Joy and the Good Life

Walkway at Yale Divinity School

Rev. Molly F. James, PhD

St. Alban’s, Simsbury, CT

August 5, 2018, Proper 13B

2 Samuel 11:26-12:13a; Psalm 51:1-13; Ephesians 4:1-16; John 6:24-35

May God’s Word be spoken. May God’s Word be heard. May that point us to the living Word who is Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

I spent this past week with fellow clergy, scholars, and teachers at a conference at Yale Divinity School on the Future of Joy and the Good Life. Yale’s Center for Faith and Culture has received a wonderful grant from the Templeton Foundation to study Joy and the Good Life.  This conference was an opportunity for those involved in the project to share some of their learnings and also to invite more of us into that work and conversation. As you might imagine, there was lots of food for thought and a lot of excellent presentations and conversations.

Now, if you are hoping that my experience of this past week means that I have for you some magical key to Joy and the “Good Life,” I am sorry to disappoint you. It is not that simple. True Joy and a “Good Life” is not the stuff of tabloids or magazines you can read while waiting in line at the grocery store. Finding Joy or cultivating a good life is not something you do in ten easy steps or 15 minutes once a week.

They are habits. Like any virtues, like anything worthwhile in life, it takes time and effort to discover joy and to live a good life. The good news is that you already have the tools. And no doubt many of you are already using them well.

The Good Life means, in the language of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, living “a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” That is the “Good Life” - the life that is worthy of our calling as followers of Jesus. It is a life lived in the Way of Love, as our Presiding Bishop describes it.

I think this is a truth that most of us know intrinsically, and sometimes it helps to make it explicit and to remind ourselves of this fact. The “Good Life,” the life we seek, the kind of life we want to be remembered for is one that is defined by character and virtue, not by the accumulation of wealth or even of accolades. Of course having nice things and being praised and appreciated for our accomplishments is wonderful, but they cannot provide us with true sustenance or help us to find meaning.

Material goods or outstanding professional achievements do not provide us with the “bread of life” that Jesus describes in our Gospel for today. Those things are just that, they are things. That are transient and tangible. They do not last. Wealth can come and go. If we stake our happiness or our identity or our self-worth on our achievements we will be sorely disappointed. Because someday we will retire. Or someday someone will do what we did, except they will do it faster, better, or more efficiently.

Joy is not fleeting. Happiness is. There is an important distinction here. A new friend I met at this conference, got me to look into the work of the Benedictine Monk, David Steindal-Rast  who writes and speaks about the importance of gratitude. He describes joy as the “happiness that does not depend on what happens.” Hear that again: Joy is the happiness that does not depend on what happens.

This is why it is a habit, a virtue that must be cultivated. It cannot be subject to our whims nor to the ups and downs of our lives. I also think it is really important to note that cultivating joy is not a Pollyana activity. It does not mean that we fool ourselves into thinking everything is wonderful, even when the evidence clearly says that it is not. Being joyful, having joy in our lives does not mean that our lives are free from suffering or free from tragedy. It means that we can always find joy, even in the midst of terrible pain and tragedy. It means holding on to our perspective, holding on to our faith, in the midst of our suffering. We can trust and believe that there is more to life than the darkness of this particular moment. We know deep in our bones that God is with us, and that not matter what is happening we are beloved children of God who will never be abandoned. The light will keep shining in our darkness. Hope is real, and we will not be overcome. Joy is finding and holding onto that hope, every day.

And that is what it means to flourish, to live the “Good Life.” One of the great insights of this conference for me was to be able to live more deeply into the fullness of what flourishing means. On the surface, it can seem strange to talk about flourishing, particularly if we are holding the life of Jesus up as our preeminent example. Think about it. Seemingly average Jewish teacher starts a career late in life (by the standards of his time), which seems to thrive briefly, but then he is deemed to be a problem for the authorities, so he is arrested and crucified. By most outside standards that narrative would not seem to describe a life of flourishing. But how could we not say that Jesus flourished? Here we are, over 2000 years later, a people who in fact believe that his life and teachings can continue transform our lives.

And so the world’s definition of flourishing does not stand. It is not about how long we live or about how much we earn or how much we accomplish in our lives. Flourishing, living the “Good Life” is about the kind of life we live. It is about the intangible aspects of life. It is about seeking out deep, nourishing, and life-sustaining relationships. It is about seeking to empower others. It is about recognizing the interconnectedness of our world and the need for community and collaboration. It is about living a life that reflects the belief that we cannot flourish if others are oppressed.

In case you were wondering, our reading for today from 2 Samuel provides a wonderful example of how not to live our lives. Right? It is the story of the prophet Nathan holding up a mirror to King David to show him how he has failed and fallen short of his own calling. David was so narrowly focused on his own selfish desires he did not care who got hurt in the process. He was even willing to kill to get what he wanted. This is not a life of joy or flourishing.

So that seems a pretty straightforward place to start. Cultivating joy and living the “Good Life” means not doing things we clearly know to be wrong, i.e adultery and murder. And yet clearly there is more to it than that. The Good Life cannot just be about abstaining from what is wrong. It is more active, more positive than that.

Perhaps one of the most valuable insights from this past week for me has been the awareness that joy does not happen in our lives by sheer force of will. We cannot just all of a sudden decide that we are going to be joyful. It really is a virtue and a habit. In some ways it could be said that joy is something that happens to us, when we are open and aware. So what is it that makes us open and aware? How might we, in the words of C.S. Lewis find ourselves “surprised by joy”?

I think there are two main things that we can do to ensure that there is plenty of joy in our lives. And note, you already have and do these things! You are doing them right now by being here in this community. I hope that like me, it is just helpful to be reminded of how incredibly valuable they are.

1. PRACTICE GRATITUDE - This can happen in lots of ways. You might keep a list or a journal. You might just make a practice of saying “Thank You” a little more often. You might just get in the habit of making gratitude the focus of the first prayer of your day or of your dinner table conversation. And no doubt many of you may have lots of other practices you find helpful. The how is not important. What matters is that you feel grateful on a daily basis.
2. DEEPEN RELATIONSHIPS WITH GOD AND WITH EACH OTHER - When we feel connected, rooted, and as though we belong, we flourish. We are ready to withstand whatever life can throw at us. Like a well built house we are not rattled by the storms of life. And so we need to take time for prayer, time for worship, time for conversation, time for deepening our connections.

Jesus came that we might have life. Jesus came that we might have good life. Jesus came that we might flourish. I truly believe that Jesus desires us to live well. We have what we need to live lives that are marked by joy and gratitude. Flourishing lives. Together we can live the Good Life. Thanks be to God. AMEN.