Holy Listening

https://www.oca.org/orthodoxy/the-orthodox-faith/worship/the-church-year/transfiguration

Rev. Molly F. James, PhD

DFMS Noonday Prayer via Zoom

Feast of the Transfiguration, August 6, 2020

May God’s Word be spoken. May God’s Word be heard. May that point us to the Living Word, who is Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. 

The summer between my first and second years of seminary I did a chaplaincy training program called Clinical Pastoral Education (often abbreviated as CPE). It was a wonderful learning experience that taught me good skills for pastoral care and helped me begin to try on what it means to walk with people as a pastor. More importantly, though, it was a learning experience that taught me a lot about myself. Ultimately that is the great gift of CPE, it helps us look at all our own stuff, and our own baggage, so that when we walk into someone’s hospital room, we are able to be fully present to them wherever they are. 

For me, one of the greatest moments of insight came in one of our afternoon group sessions. There were six other people in the training program with me, and we spent many hours each week in group time, reflecting on what we were learning and discovering the various ways our personalities did and did not work well together. Anyone who has ever been in a meeting with me will be able to tell you that I am not shy about jumping in or offering my ideas. In fact, I can be too quick to jump in. Pair that with my aversion to conflict, and you have someone who is all too ready to jump in, fill awkward silences and try to fix anything. Blessedly, my classmates and supervisor did not shy away from holding a mirror up to help me recognize this about myself. They helped me to see that my desire to fill the space or my eagerness to share my ideas could even prevent others from having the time they needed to think or to share. So, one afternoon I decided to take this insight to heart, and I stayed silent for an entire group session. It was an enlightening experience. 

I listened in a whole new way. Or to put more bluntly. I actually listened. I didn’t spend my time formulating my response or thinking about what story in my own life matched with what I was hearing. It wasn’t about fixing a situation or needing to fill a silence. I was just there to listen. I learned a lot that day. It made me realize that I don’t always have to jump in, and it made me realize that sometimes the right “answer” in a given situation is just to listen. 

I have been thinking back on that learning experience, and as I read through our very familiar lessons for this feast of the Transfiguration, I was struck by the line: “This is my Son, my Chosen; listen to him!” Listen to him. That is what God was commanding the apostles to do. It is what God is commanding us to do. 

You’ll notice God does not say “Listen and Respond.” God does not say, “Sort of listen with one ear while you are formulating your own thoughts.” God just tells us to listen to Jesus. 

That is such an important reminder for all us, particularly in this time. There is so much going on in our world. There is so much information and misinformation out there. There is lots and lots of talking going on all around us. We need our wise and discerning hearts. We need each other, we need our faith to help us hear the truth, to hear what really matters, to listen for God. 

I would guess that most of us can attest to the healing and restorative power of listening. We can think of conversations where we have unloaded a really challenging experience or a terrible day in a cascade of words to a beloved friend or family member, and when we have finally stopped talking, they say, “what do you need?” And we realize that was exactly what we needed. We just needed to tell our story. We needed someone to listen. 

So, what does good listening look like? What does it feel like? How might we become better listeners? How might we listen to Jesus and each other more fully? 

For me, there are three factors that are an important part of my listening well. I offer them here, in the hopes that they might be helpful to you too. 

First is Mindset or well-being. As they say, change begins with me. If I want to be a good listener, I have to take care of myself first. I have to be comfortable in my own skin, aware of my own boundaries and able to ask for what I need. This means I need to have a good support system in place and healthy places to process my own challenges, so that I can be available to others. If I am all tied up in my own mess, I won’t be able to listen to others. This also means letting go of our own egos or our need to be right. We can only listen for God’s voice if we are humble enough to admit we probably don’t have it all figured out yet. 

Second is Trust. Real listening is about being fully present to the other person without letting our own agenda drive the conversation. Authentic listening involves vulnerability. It involves opening our hearts to create a space where the other can share what’s on theirs. Vulnerability cannot and should not happen when there is no trust. 

Third is Guidelines or Rules of the Road. Particularly in professional contexts and learning environments, I have found it tremendously helpful to have some shared principles about how we will be in community together. A colleague and I have just this morning had the first session of an affinity group that will be working its way through the Sacred Ground curriculum, which is designed to help those of us who are white do anti-racism work. We started our time with a set of discussion guidelines. These guidelines help me practice the principles of mutual respect and honesty, while not holding anything too tightly and assuming the best about others. They are a gift. 

On this feast of the Transfiguration, God is inviting us to listen, first and foremost to Jesus, and then to each other. May our listening be a gateway to deeper relationship with God and with each other.  

AMEN.