Waiting for Transformation

Rev. Molly F. James, PhD

St. Alban’s, Simsbury, CT 

Morning Prayer, Advent 1, November 29, 2020

Psalm 80:1-7, 16-18;Isaiah 64:1-9; 1 Corinthians 1:3-9; Mark 13:24-37

May God’s Word be spoken. May God’s Word be heard. May that point us to the living Word who is Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. 

“And what I say to you I say to all: Keep awake.” Keep awake. Really? That’s the last word of our Gospel for today? Keep awake? Well, I don’t know about you all, but that is not really what I was hoping for today. An admonition? About staying awake? Dear God, can’t you see how exhausted we all are. We are weary. And the days are short. We need more sleep. There are even days when we would like to just say, “Could someone please wake me up when this is over?” We want a break. We want things to be different and all we are told is to stay awake? Where is the comfort in that? 

Actually, when I pause, when I take a moment to breathe and reflect, I find myself wondering if our text is offering us an invitation rather than an admonition? What if it is not a harsh command to keep going past our breaking point? What if it is an invitation, a gentle reminder to pay attention because God is at work in the world? An invitation to remember that there is light in the darkness. Always. 

It would be easy to see this text as an admonition. It is Advent after all. A season that is not just about waiting for Christmas. It is also a time when we are invited to take the long view, the cosmic view. A time when we are invited to see that there is more to life than the here and now. A time when we are invited to remember that our actions, our choices matter. They matter to God and the matter to the world. How we live our lives matters, because we have the power to make a difference in the world. We have the power, the opportunity to be a part of building up God’s kingdom. We have the opportunity to be a part of transforming the world. 

But we cannot do that if we are asleep. We cannot do that if we fail to pay attention. We cannot do that if we choose to turn away from God. 

And the fact that we can choose to turn away from God, that we have that power, brings me to a description of Hell that I find very compelling. In his book, Tokens of Trust, which is an exposition of the Apostle’s Creed, Rowan Williams describes “Hell” as God eternally knocking on a door we are struggling to hold shut. Oh. That is a bit different than brimstone and lakes of fire. Hell, judgment, separation from God are not some threat looming over our heads. Hell is a choice we make. A place we find, because we have chosen to turn away from God’s ever present love. 

Now, you may be thinking, phew! That’s easy. I mean, why would we turn away from God? But here’s the thing, and why I think we need the invitation from today’s Gospel. We need to be alert. It is not always easy to see the path that leads us toward God. 

Sometimes we get stuck because we are exhausted and we cannot think straight. Sometimes we are full of fear and anxiety and we want to do something quickly, really just do anything to lessen our fear or anxiety. Sometimes we are stuck in a pattern that no longer serves us. Sometimes we are angry, and we just want someone else to feel our pain. For any number of reasons, it is certainly possible, sometimes even seems easier, for us to choose the wrong path. To choose a path that takes us away from God.

So what might it look like for us to stay alert? What might it look like for us to pay attention? I realize this sounds like one more thing to add to an already long to do list in this Advent season. This complicated, confusing, exhausting Advent season that does not look like any we have known before. But here’s the thing. I actually think that figuring out how we “keep awake,” and how we “stay alert” might actually make everything else better. 

We do all know how to do this. We know the practices that help us. We just need reminding. I know I do. I can myself far down a road of anxious what ifs or so wound up in my to do list. I need help. I need those beloved people in my life, who say, “Molly, slow down.” Those voices who remind me to take care of my physical and spiritual well-being. Those people who say, “Wait. How can I help?” Whose wisdom helps me to see the bigger picture or a way forward I had not considered. 

It’s Advent. And we are waiting. We are waiting for Christmas. We are waiting for the transformation of the world. And here’s the thing. This is not, should not, be sitting around twiddling our thumbs kind of waiting. We are not powerless. We have the opportunity each and every day in the choices we make, in how we live our lives - from simple smiles and acts of kindness, to where we spend our money, to how we use our power and influence in decision making, in the connections we make - we have the opportunity to be a part of building up the kingdom. We have the opportunity to make a difference, even on a small scale - it matters. 

There is our hope. Change is possible. Darkness does not last. It will not last because we can bring more light. Together. Each day, by choosing to draw closer to God. Amen. 

 

Wisdom, Judgment, and Thomas Aquinas

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Rev. Molly F. James, PhD

Chapel of our Lord, Episcopal Church Center

Feast of St. Thomas Aquinas, January 28, 2020

Psalm 119:97-104 ; Wisdom 7:7-14 ; Matthew 13:47-52

May God’s Word be spoken. May God’s Word be heard. May that point us to the living Word, who is Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

So, perhaps like me you are having trouble reconciling the combination of texts we have for today’s feast of St. Thomas Aquinas. The reading from Wisdom seems quite appropriate. It is one of my favorites, actually. Such a good reminder of what really matters in life. The most important things in life are not things. Learning, gaining wisdom, deepening our relationships with God and each other are what really matters. Then the psalm continues that trend by affirming the value of following God’s law and how growing in the understanding of God’s law helps us to gain wisdom and just to be better people. Understanding the rules God has set out for us does indeed help us to be better followers of Jesus. This all seems to fit quite well for the Feast of Aquinas, one of the most revered scholars in the Christian tradition who helped us to understand how the writings and teachings of Aristotle could further enlighten our own Christian faith. Aquinas certainly has helped us to grow in wisdom. 

But then we get the Gospel reading, which is all about Judgment. It feels a bit out of left field. It is a harsh text - with its talk of fiery furnaces and weeping and gnashing of teeth. Yikes! As I have discussed with you all before, texts like this make me nervous. They do not sit well with me. I do not hold to the image of an angry, vengeful God who seeks to punish us for all eternity for our misdeeds and shortcomings. I believe in a just, merciful God who desires abundant life for each and everyone of us. So, how do we reconcile these texts? How do we reconcile Justice and Mercy with a fiery furnace? 

The key for me in understanding here comes from how I have come to understand hell. As I think I have shared with you all, my favorite definition of “hell” comes from Rowan Williams’s book Tokens of Trust. In it he describes hell as God eternally knocking on a door we are struggling to hold shut. I like this definition for a number of reasons. It does not discount the reality of hell. It also emphasizes God’s mercy and desire for each of us to know the depths of God’s love for us. And it does not shy away from holding us accountable for our actions. The choices we make do indeed matter. 

If we experience “hell,” it is because we are choosing to ignore God’s persistent invitation to us to move deeper into relationship, to understand God and ourselves more fully. Now it may seem a silly thing to say that we “choose to ignore” God. I mean, why would you do that? Who could possibly choose to ignore God? It is GOD after all. But here’s the thing. Invitations from God do not always come on embossed stationery with clear descriptions and a reply card. They do not come in packages that clearly indicate they are from God. And indeed, the evil one, can be very cunning and very tricky. Sometimes we can be fooled into thinking that we are following God’s invitation, but really we are following our own self-interest. We can be fooled into thinking that achieving a goal or completing a task is more important than a relationship. We can be fooled into thinking that the “abundant life” must be the easier way, and so we choose the path of least resistance. But the abundant life can indeed be a challenging path, as is any path that invites us to grow in wisdom and to deepen our relationship with God. 

So, if the evil one is so cunning, how do we know which path to choose? I think we have some good answers in our Scriptures today - we seek the path that is in line with God’s laws, God’s commandments to us. We seek the path that will enable us to learn and grow. As our Presiding Bishop has so succinctly put it, “If it’s not about love, it’s not about God.” So, we see the path that is loving and life giving, even it is the harder path. Even if it requires confronting difficult truths. For, as out text from Wisdom reminds us, “All good things came to me along with her, and in her hands uncounted wealth.” 

I invite you to follow in Aquinas’s footsteps -  to seek out wisdom in unexpected places, and to never stop seeking to deepen your knowledge, your understanding, your connection to God. No doubt the gifts that will come from accepting God’s invitation are many. AMEN. 

Reflections on Judgment

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Rev. Molly F. James, PhD

Chapel of Our Lord, Episcopal Church Center 

August 7, 2018: John Mason Neale

Psalm 106:1-5; 2 Chronicles 20:20-21; Matthew 13:44-52

May God’s Word be spoken. May God’s Word be heard, and may that point us to the Living Word who is Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. 

“So it will be at the end of the age. The angels will come out and separate the evil from the righteous and throw them into the furnace of fire, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

Lines like these make me nervous. On multiple fronts, first there is the global front. Particularly in the wake of the horrific events of the weekend, it is tempting to latch on to judgment texts like these as a vehicle for our pain and anger. We can use them to condemn the perpetrators. . . But if we do that we are joining in the cycle of hate and violence that is a part of why mass shootings seem to be such a regular occurrence.

Then there is the personal front, if I weren’t standing up here reading those lines, I’d be squirming in my seat. I consider myself a recovering perfectionist. I take my mistakes, my errors, my sins very seriously - a bit too seriously most of the time, and so passages like this make me nervous. And I don’t find them helpful because they feed my perfectionist tendencies . . . after reading a passage like this my perfectionist self can say “See! It does matter how you behave! Watch out, you better bear good fruit or else!” NOT HELPFUL! I am quite capable of giving myself a good guilt trip without adding on the fear of the eternal flames of hell.

I have often struggled with the theme of judgment and punishment that are present in our Scriptures. It is tempting to put our Gospel aside and focus on the mercy and steadfast love that are more prominent in our other readings today or to just focus on the life story of John Mason Neale whose life we remember today, and his example of good works in founding the order of St. Margaret. But the questions of judgment and punishment are right there in the Gospel, and I believe in facing my fears, so I can’t just let them slide by. 

Shortly after 9/11 I read a book of essays by Eugene Kennedy* that helped me think about these passages of judgment differently. As you likely remember there was lots of talk of judgment in the days and weeks following 9-11 - who was to blame? Who was now burning in hell for their sins? Not all that different than some of the rhetoric we are hearing today as well. But Kennedy says that we have got it all wrong if we think it is all a dichotomy, that there are simply good people and evil people, or as it says in some of our other texts on judgment, the wheat and the chaff or the fruitful and unfruitful trees. 

Kennedy writes of those who died on 9-11 (and I think this could apply equally to all those who have been victims of mass shootings in recent years): “Their voices, taken from phone calls and emails and the recollections of friends, blend now into one message, one voice like a canyon echo coming back to us out of the ruins: ‘I love you,’ said in a thousand ways is the true harvest of these good people’s lives. The good grain so overflowed that it covered over the patches of human stubble in their lives . . . They defined themselves and what life and faith are all about in the commitment to the relationships in their lives.”  When we look at all those people from all sorts of walks a life - a real cross section of humanity - who perished on 9/11 or in all the mass shootings, we should see the good - the overwhelming good in them, for as Kennedy goes on to say, that is what ultimately matters to God.  Kennedy writes, “What is good and bad in us grows together. On judgment day, God harvests only what is good in us, for that is what is eternal, and ignores the weeds that belong to time.” 

Reading these words lifts a weight from my shoulders. They comfort me because they reminded me that God can see the big picture - and God pays much more attention to the times we get it right - the times we lived a life of love - than to the times we messed up. They also give me a much more hopeful picture of Judgment Day. I have always struggled with the idea that God sends people to hell as a punishment. The image Kennedy offers fits more with the understanding of judgment that I have developed over the years, with thanks to theologians like Julian of Norwich, C.S. Lewis, and Rowan Williams. While there may be a moment of reckoning, a moment of cleansing when we come face to face to with God at the end of our lives, we need not fear it. God is not some arbitrary judge. God is the God we know and love. God is loving and merciful - ALWAYS. Hell is not eternal damnation for our sins; hell is a choice we make. God is always reaching out to us, always offering mercy and forgiveness. Always willing to pay more attention to the good that is in us. And God has given us free will, so we have the option to accept that mercy or to reject it. If we choose to turn our back on God, then we will know hell, for hell is the only place where God is not. 

So, today as we are invited to reflect on our lives, it can be tempting to start tallying up all the times we have done something harmful or foolish. But, perhaps, that is not how it is meant to be. What if, like John Mason Neale, we focus on how we can do good to help others? What if we try to see ourselves as God sees us: as beloved children who are capable of generous acts of love. What would it look like to have those be the defining acts of our lives?

AMEN.

*Eugene Kennedy. 9-11:Meditations at the Center of the World. (Maryknoll, NY: Orbis, 2002), 32-3.